Like I said I'm no poet but...
The cave is dark but it's filled with fire
The wall is covered in black waves
I see the images but they're hard to admire
I stretch to try and see but alas we are slaves
The metal hurts our necks as we try to move
So I stop and feel safe again in its cold grip
Where'd he go? My friend's absence; I disapprove
His metal lays on the ground but his body is on a trip
I want to find him but the pain is too much
There he is back again, but why does he squint?
He is changed, he speaks like a mad man too much
"Break you metal see the truth through the glint"
The sun is too painful and his words are strange
I go back to my wall, not eager to change
The cave is dark but it's filled with fire
The wall is covered in black waves
I see the images but they're hard to admire
I stretch to try and see but alas we are slaves
The metal hurts our necks as we try to move
So I stop and feel safe again in its cold grip
Where'd he go? My friend's absence; I disapprove
His metal lays on the ground but his body is on a trip
I want to find him but the pain is too much
There he is back again, but why does he squint?
He is changed, he speaks like a mad man too much
"Break you metal see the truth through the glint"
The sun is too painful and his words are strange
I go back to my wall, not eager to change
I like that this is written from the perspective of the enlightened's friend. Makes the entire thing pretty somber. On line 11, "to" should be "too" :D
ReplyDeleteThanks, thought it would be a little different. Your fired again as my adviser >:( (inside joke).
DeletePfft, I totally told you about that one. Haha, sorry.
DeleteVery nice sonnet. I second Joshua's comment in that it was a very somber sonnet. It seems like you have the makings of a poet to me, keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteThank you and ha guess we'll see. :)
DeleteI third? Josh's comment. The tone is quite somber, but I think that's a good thing in your case because there really isn't anything happy about being a "slave". The perspective you took of being the slave was interesting because you put in ideas that I haven't thought of like "The metal hurts our necks as we try to move". It never really crossed my mind until now that the slaves are physically suffering. Good job Justin!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it brought up knew ideas. Thanks.
DeleteTo me, your approach is more detailed than others'. Other students approached this assignment from more of the idea side. In other words, they focused on the meaning behind the allegory and not the concrete details of the allegory that make it a story simultaneously. You focus on what is happening rather than on what is being meant philosophically.
Delete-Trevor
are you sure your not a poet? undercover one probably. ill keep it a secret. oh wait i just exposed you! oh no sorry! RUNNNNNNN JUSTIN! hahha great job(:
ReplyDeletehahah xD dont worry ill just run to Germany :D thanks
DeleteI like it! It's nice to see a different perspective. Good job! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks glad you did :)
DeleteI think you did a great job! Also ... you are a poet my friend! The greatness of a poet is the capability they have of making people feel different emotions. The somber feeling that people are talking about really shows the good you can do with words! Great job! (:
ReplyDeletehmmm I guess that makes sense...ill have to think about it :)thanks.
DeleteRemember that the sonnet also has to be written in iambic pentameter, the pattern of 10 syllables. Great job though I never thought to look at the sonnet from the perspective of the prisoners still unchanged! Really interesting to read and I am happy with this different look into the allegory.
ReplyDeleteYeah your right. I just don't fully understand it yet and will probably attempt it next time (if we do another). Thanks and I'm glad people like the different perspective.
DeleteI think you did a good job Justin in the structure of your sonnet and your imagery was well done as well.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Deletegreat job! its defrinately a sonnnet. i think you summmed it allup well
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteI really liked the point of view you took as a man that stays in the cave. The couplet at the end is really good. Good job!
ReplyDeleteCan you comment on my blog please :)
Thanks, I liked the last lines too and yes I will. :)
DeleteVery creatively written! Great job on your rhyming scheme and portrayal of your understanding of the allegory of the cave! My only criticism Is that you didn't use iambic pantameter..but don't worry neither did 99% of our class (including me haha)
ReplyDeleteThanks and yeah its a tough thing to do.
DeleteVery nice job and perspective :D
ReplyDeleteThank you
DeleteGreat Sonnet!!! I like your structure and perspective!!
ReplyDeleteThank you
DeleteI like the point of view you chose and the metaphor for shadows. Nice sonnet. Could you comment to my blog as well please?
ReplyDeletethanks, ha good you got it was shadows :)yeah of course.
DeleteTa-duh
ReplyDeleteill take that as a compliment. :)
DeleteNice work. That is all.
ReplyDelete-Trevor